Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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