My nipple is on Facebook.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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