I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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