I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just blew my weed a kiss
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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