I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
