So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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