hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
