Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
