oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
