Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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