you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
