More tranny stories later!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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