His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
