Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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