There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
