I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
