the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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