at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I fill condoms, not promises.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
