in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
