i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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