He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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