Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
