My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
