his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
