He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
