she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Vodka?
Forever.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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