just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
