I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
