yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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