Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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