Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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