my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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