make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
