Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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