I'm jealous of your bromance
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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