I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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