so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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