he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
