Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
