We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
