She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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