Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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