Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
