the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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