i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
