I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My vagina is officially offended.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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