she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
