she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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