I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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