happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
