dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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