I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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