Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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