It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I had to cum in my sink.
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