just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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