It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize