I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I feel like abortions should bother me more
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
