I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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