hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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