Define "chronic" masturbator.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
