Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
