Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
