I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
