Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
