i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
