i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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