when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
